I’m sorry I can’t smile while typing this post. I’m so depressed…

I love her as my best friend. She loves her BF too, but I’m not (or never) sure she does the same towards me. I don’t know and I’m afraid of knowing it.

We have been friend for a year. Even though I'm always awkward when I'm with her. Yes, maybe you’ll laugh hardly because I’m too hyperbolic to write this depressed post about an awkward one-year friendship story. Really useless..

I’m not going to proud of myself as a good friend, I mean, I sometimes do what a not true friend does too. I’m not perfect but … This is really happening.

I don’t know where I should start my story. It just happened. Last week, I really remember it when she asked her friends, include me to visit her home. I was so sorry I couldn’t join then and she just went home with 2 her BFs. But I was grateful she was willing to offer me it.

Before, 1-2 weeks ago I visited her home too with one of her friends. I was very excited and felt comfortable. We played together, ate together, and took photos together. Then she uploaded those photos. 8 photos. She didn’t tag me nor the other friend. Not many photos as I had expected but I felt loved. I loved to set the photos as my profile picture or display picture cauze you know how precious it is for me. I thought it was really the most precious moment I’ve ever have with them but…

Until today, at midnight. I got some problems and accidentally found her photos with her friends a week ago. I opened it and I was astonished. She uploaded so many photos (about 45) there and even made an album for those photos. She also tagged the photos to her friends in it. They seemed enjoying their day. They decorated their photos cutely, with teddy bear, enakeis, etc and added a special effect.

She commented that that time was really fun. I know they had a blast that day.

I don’t mean to be jealous but I just feel… I know, I know from the photos, they must be extremely excited..

But…

Why didn’t she take more photos when I was with her 1-2 weeks ago? Why didn’t she add some effects or frames? Why didn’t tag me in our slecas lyk what she did toward others? Why didn’t even look excited when I was with her? Why doesn’t she ♥ us equally as her bestfriends? Why…??

Dear….
Can you feel its hurtness? It leaves wound! I’m not gonna write this post as if I’m a poet. I’m extremely sad… and unwanted..

Why couldn’t I make her excited? Why couldn’t I make the precious moment I felt deserves towards her? Why couldn’t we feel the same? Why did her moments with 2 another bestfriends were much more precious than mine? Why is it so unfair??

Am I that unwanted till the way how you treat me is contrary to the way you treat them?

I even feel so stupid when I remember how happy I am seeing those selcas, like flying on the top of the world… It was all because I was silly. I thought that you felt the same too, but you didn’t. You can’t feel it with me. I don’t know it is because I’m not destined to be with you enjoying the togetherness.. I don’t know…

I just cried quite hard while looking at those sweet photos. When will I be able to feel it with you? I hope we will :’) I just can’t help but to be with you.

Thank you. Thanks for not loving us equally. I know I’m not attracted. But as you know everytime, in any circumstance, I always consider about you. Anything.. I try to be able to give the best present for you by emptying my purse and begging my parents.

I don’t mean to show off everything I’ve done for you but I just want a thing for us. For our friendship life..

An equal love and treatment..

I wish you understand it.. I miss you..